Being Cognizant: New Year's Resolutions

A series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.

Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.

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It's that time of year when small talk turns to the question, "So, did you come up with any new year resolutions?"

I like this time of year, because people often take some time think about themselves in a positive way, or at least with a growth mindset:

"I am going to start exercising regularly!" 
"I am going to have a green smoothie every day!" 
"I am going to stay on top of my readings this semester!"

(That last one was a joke, of course.)

While I do love goal-setting - a post on that is upcoming - I am not personally a fan of New Year's Resolutions due to the way that they are typically approached by the goal setter.

"Why, Katie, would you not support one's desire to make positive changes?" asked Seriously Irrelevant Holiday Cat.

Well, the thing is, I think that setting a goal with such a specific start date and not creating measurable steps to achieve it can be a dangerous activity, at least by way of achieving your goal and feeling confident in yourself.

New Year's resolutions often involve making a significant change right away at the beginning of the year, on the first day, and making that your new standard to meet (e.g., no more candy, or 30 minutes on the treadmill three times per week). This, in my eyes, is a recipe for disaster, for a number of reasons.

The dawn of the new year: What are your goals?

Firstly, you are not easing into your goal.
You may be introducing a change in your life without gradually doing so, and this can make it difficult to stick to in the long-run (or even the short-run). If you choose to go with a 30-minute treadmill jog for the new year, you might find that it is incredibly difficult to accomplish this even once if you are not regularly doing something in this realm already. It can be disheartening to feel that your goal is not accomplishable because you were unable to achieve it right away. Creating a plan that involves building up to your goal over time using baby steps is a more sure-fire way to eventually attain a specific goal with a measurable outcome.

Secondly, you have decided to start achieving this goal regularly on a particular date.
It's great to set a deadline for yourself to begin working on a goal, but if your goal is lofty or something you are not accustomed to, you might find that once your deadline has passed... the motivation to pursue the resolution has also passed. Setting a deadline to begin working towards a goal is a better idea, rather than setting a deadline to begin achieving this goal on the regular. Reframing your thinking to, "Over the course of this year, I hope to work towards X," is more powerful than, "Tomorrow I am going to begin regularly achieving X."

Thirdly, your goal may be based on a perceived defect in yourself.
I am particularly wary of any resolutions that involve appearance, such as losing X number of pounds, getting a six-pack of abs, or attaining a size 0 in clothing (for women's clothing, because apparently women should aspire to be nothing). These goals will lead to a sense of failure or incompetence if you are unable to achieve them and are based on physical attributes that may be outside of your control, which is a sign that you should not set the goals with this sort of language (or perhaps avoid setting these goals at all). If your appearance is going to be a part of your resolution at all, the goal itself should be within your control (such as healthy eating and exercise), whereas a change in appearance may be a by-product of that goal (such as increased muscle tone or loss of unhealthy fat). Further, any goals that are attempts to improve yourself for others? Make sure that you setting goals for yourself and that you are intrinsically motivated* to achieve them in the long-term.

If you are making New Year's Resolutions this year, consider these three common barriers to achieving goals that you set for yourself and take the time to make a plan of attack for eventually succeeding in making the changes that you want to see in your world.

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*Intrinsic motivation: Motivation that comes from within oneself, that originates from the individual, rather than coming from an external source (which would be extrinsic motivation).

FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

I consider myself a somewhat indecisive individual.

Many people that know me on a moderate to intimate level would also consider me somewhat indecisive.

Individuals who don't know me at all, but who are in positions where they are asking me to make a decision (anyone asking for my food order) would probably consider me fairly anxious and very indecisive.

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This quality of myself is something I have been reflecting on a lot over the last handful of months as I look ahead to May, when I will officially graduate with my undergraduate degree and move on to...

...


...


... Something.


FOMO (or "Fear Of Missing Out") is a term I was introduced to during my time as a Residence Advisor, when I was advised not to do every activity available during my 4-day training retreat. FOMO, I was told, would make me feel like I should and could burn me out. I took this to heart, and rested when I needed to and indulged in activities when I wanted to. However, since then, I have experienced many moments of FOMO wherein I have struggled to make decisions because I am afraid that the number of good things I could miss out on in one opportunity by taking another opportunity instead. Whether it is making a decision at a restaurant or taking a job offer, I have recently struggled a lot more with choosing a path because I fear the missed opportunities of other paths. This has felt very heavy and real as I consider what my next steps will be following graduation.

I was watching Aziz Ansari's Master of None, and in one episode that highlighted a difficult relationship decision, the following quote from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar was referenced:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

This resonated with me, as the timeliness of the reference was opportune. I am constantly getting caught up in my thoughts about the future and how I don't want to decide to do something that will "lock me in" to one thing. However, what I am realizing is that my FOMO is getting in the way of me pursuing something. I can still enjoy many other things that I won't be actively pursuing in an educational or career sense, but I am ultimately not able to enjoy any of them as much as I could because I am so afraid of choosing one thing to focus on (e.g., through getting a degree in it).

A supervisor of mine described my way of thinking as "comparing lists of checkmarks and trying to decide which thing has the most checkmarks (i.e., good things) when, in reality, they ALL have a lot of checkmarks*" (*paraphrasing). I try to keep this in mind as I look ahead to this somewhat more significant, but not necessarily life-path-deciding decision. I know that I am probably going to hold multiple careers over my lifetime - likely in slightly different fields, too! However, the decision to embark on a particular path feels like a heavy one, and I am working on coming to terms with the ways that any decision will benefit me and that I can acquire skills to pursue other careers if I so desire.

If you, too, struggle with FOMO, try to reach peace with yourself by knowing that any decision with many "checkmarks" is going to be helpful to you. It might teach you what you love, what you don't love, or it might reveal an unexpected source of enthusiasm! Choose with thoughtfulness, but don't be so thoughtful that your options pass you by as you try to understand which one is the "best". You can always learn new things later, but you can also start learning something right now.

Being Cognizant: Scheduling

A series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.

Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.


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My memory for dates and significant events is strong - I even remember the minor details and events that would probably be best to forget. However, when it comes to remembering to bring something to a friend or not forgetting to attend a spontaneously-planned meeting, my memory has a tendency to fall short.

Cue: Calendars, to-do lists, reminders.

I am not sure if my love for scheduling has resulted from my affinity for organization and efficiency, but I do know that seeing a week of scheduled events, meetings, and study times really helps me focus myself and prioritize what needs to be done more effectively.

While I do not advocate for scheduling every minute of each day to accomplish what needs to be done, I do advocate for the use of visual cues of goals and tasks in order to make one accountable to oneself in accomplishing those items. Visual cues may come in the form of:

Calendars (digital or physical)

I have begun using Google Calendar in tandem with my computer and phone iCalendar to track my daily schedules. During the weekdays I find them particularly useful because, as a student with a part-time job and extracurriculars, I have a lot of unstructured time. I need to use that time for studying and self-directed projects for my extracurriculars, and I may neglect it those items if I do not structure them into my calendar and make myself accountable.

One of my personal pleasures is writing physical schedules in my agenda - I enjoy pen-to-paper writing and like to cross-reference schedules this way and generally write specifics about school assignments in there as well.

To-Do Lists

http://www.computertimes.com/boogieboard_files/image004.jpg

Have you ever heard of the idea that if you write down your goal and put it somewhere that you will look at it every day, you will be more likely to accomplish it? I like to think of my to-do lists as miniature versions of this, in that by writing down the tasks I want to accomplish that day, I will see them and feel more accountable to myself to finish them. My favourite part of physical to-do lists is, without a doubt, crossing items off or putting a check mark next to them upon their completion! It is worth trying a to-do list out for that reason alone. 

The device I use for lists is my Boogie Board by Brookstone - a gift from New York I received last year and have used time and time again ever since. It is a digital notepad that you can clear with the push of a button once your list is done. When I am not using my Boogie Board, I am a huge fan of sticky notes being placed in locations that will catch me at a time when I am most able to accomplish my task. For example, writing "UPDATE YOUR BUDGET!" on a note and sticking it to my computer so that I see it when I next use my laptop.

Reminders

Unfortunately, I have become all-too reliant on my phone for providing me with reminders about tasks and meetings and all of those little things that don't DEMAND to be remembered. However, I do appreciate that I have such useful tools to lean on! The iPhone Reminders app is one of my more frequently-used tools, but I also set notifications on the events I create in my Google calendar to pop up on my computer and phone so that I don't miss out. 

My rule with reminders is: Never say that an item is complete until you have ACTUALLY completed it. Sometimes my notification pops up and I think, "Right! I'll do that in a few minutes," only to forget to do it within a few minutes, thus leaving it entirely incomplete. To avoid doing this, I "snooze" reminders until I have 100% completed the task.

Being Cognizant: Alcohol

A series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.

Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.

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I've had a fairly active social life over the past three months.

This is a significant change of pace after a good two or three years of going-out dormancy, for the most part. I took pleasure in the recluse lifestyle and recoiled at invitations to stay out past 11:00pm - 11:00pm is when one should be lying down in bed, not getting down on dance floors.

Three years ago I took full advantage of the part-time employment schedule and spent many a night out on the town, and experienced little distress when this changed. However, these past months have reminded me that I have a dancing bug inside me that infects me with pleasure and wiggling hips when it is awoken. Often, this bug is triggered by a few drinks in preparation for going out.

I consider myself to be a health-conscious individual: I go to the gym regularly, I eat my fruits and vegetables and protein and all of that good stuff, I drink whole lot of agua, I avoid overly sugary things (80% of the time). However, alcohol is something that defies all of these other principled decisions I make for my body and mind - it is not healthy in any way! So, if I am to consume it - especially in more-than-just-social quantities, I take care to do it with cognizance.


1. WATER. I drink water most of the day every day all the time - I do not stop when there is alcohol. At least every two drinks I throw back a full glass to keep my body hydrated and to prevent terrible headaches and nausea the following day. Alcohol does not exactly quench thirst, and water helps to counter its effects to a degree.

2. MOVE. Most of the time, I don't want to bother having any alcohol if I am not going to do a great deal of moving around - walking all over the place is one way to do it, but my favourite is to dance. Sitting down and drinking can be fun, but it often leads to unexpected levels of intoxication and it just sits inside you and doesn't go anywhere! With water and movement I keep the alcohol moving through me and often avoid rough mornings. Plus, dancing is basically leg day at the gym AND cardio combined - I actually refrain from exercise on days when I am to go dancing later, because my muscles will be sore.

3. STOP. Eventually. There comes a time when I can just ride on the energy level that I've reached, and drinking anything additional will make me sleepy or sick. It is a rare scenario when I don't recognize that I have reached a certain point, so I am usually in a perfect position to stay pumped throughout the evening and then fall quickly asleep upon arriving safely home.

4. OBSERVE. Keeping an eye out for weird or dangerous people is a key component of drinking alcohol, in my opinion. People might assume you are vulnerable if they recognize you've been drinking, and may try to take advantage of you in any number of ways - so watch out. For yourself, your homies, and even that stranger across the street/dance floor/parking lot that you notice is in a situation that doesn't look comfortable or normal.

5. REST. Take a day! I give myself at least half a day after a night out to drink water, eat a good breakfast, and just sit or lie around before I do anything too strenuous. Sometimes I'll take a whole day off from doing anything too demanding, just to give my body time to recharge. However, going for a jaunt to the gym or a jog around the neighbourhood is a way I like to burn off any of the grossness (greatness?) from the night before.

Those are the ways I stay cognizant when I'm thinking about drinking.

** For a neat article on how to survive a "day drinking" event, check out this article, "How to Drink All Day and Not Pass Out" **

Looking Back on 21

Today marks the last of an exciting 365 days traveling around the sun.

When I look back at the past year, I feel pleased with accomplishments in my relationships, my academics, and my personal growth.

In short:

• I have spent a great deal of time on introspection regarding my personal life, my future professional life, and my values at this time in my life in an effort to guide myself in a direction after graduation. It has not led me to an answer so far, but it has led me to speak with new people and form new friendships and think in new ways as a result of my willingness to reach out and do one thing that I love - connecting with others.
• My health has continued to be a focus as I fluctuate in exercise motivation, green smoothie inspiration, and periods of moderate sleep deprivation. While I am not always in a physically balanced place, I have been thoughtful about my health a great deal and have enjoyed engaging with it in different ways.
• For almost one entire year I maintained a long-distance friendship! I think this resulted from the point in my life that G made her way across the globe - I've reached a point of personal development where I could manage that sort of geographical distance in a relationship.
• Opportunities to step outside of my comfort zone presented themselves, then disappeared, then were taken up and taken away, and eventually left me living away from home (if only a short distance) for the first time this summer, and I feel that decision has made me appreciate home in a new way while also offering me an unforgettable summer so far. My new job and new friends (along with a handful of oldies) are a big part of that. Dancing like my life depends on it every couple of weeks has also been surprisingly rejuvenating.
• My new studies in gender, race, sexuality and social justice at school have refined and informed many values and passions I had before but did not have words or literature to use in tandem with them. While it has been challenging at times, I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to partake in aspects of the GRSJ culture at my school and using that education to inform other parts of my life that I feel are bettered as a result.
• I lost two figures in my life that are incredibly painful to be without now, but I'm glad they went together and that whatever discomforts they were experiencing are gone now. They are missed immensely, but the sadness I feel reminds me that I do feel, and that these lows will contrast future highs and make them all the better.

I think that 22 will be an incredibly confusing, exciting, terrifying, and fulfilling trip around the sun. Even if it has the lowest of lows, I also believe it will have some of the highest highs, and I am looking forward to seeing what they all are.

Being Cognizant: Vegetarianism

A series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.


Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.

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3 years and 3 months ago, I embarked on a 3-week challenge to stop eating meat. It began because someone told me I "looked like a vegetarian", which led to a discussion, which led to an agreement to try vegetarianism for a little while, which led to today where I remain a vegetarian.

These past three (and some) years have been a learning experience for me that I have embraced despite personal struggles with the change in lifestyle and diet, as well as the frequent encouragement from friends, family, and near-strangers to return to omnivorous ways. It has not always been easy, but I have certainly become more considerate of my eating and lifestyle as a result of this change I made three years ago.

When I became a vegetarian, I was in the midst of my first year of university and decided to embark on a fitness journey within months of changing my diet - all of these transitions occurring at the same time led to a few setbacks that forced me to think about things I had taken for granted. For example, my energy levels dropped a few months into my new diet, and my exercise continued to increase in vigor and frequency. With these changes in mind, I was faced with figuring out new ways to acquire certain nutrients in my diet to (a) replace the easily-acquired nutrients from meat I had taken for granted and to (b) be sufficient enough for my muscles to recover from intense exercise. I found many new foods (especially in nuts, beans, and many vegetables) that offered me the nutrients I needed that I had never considered necessary, or even delicious, before! It was a great opportunity to try new foods and learn about my body's needs when it comes to nutrients and exercise.

Beyond these health-related ideas I have come to consider regularly, I have also grown to be more selective with the food I buy, particularly when it comes to eggs, which I still eat. I make an effort to purchase food that is ethically-sourced, and perhaps even locally-sourced, as I know I am supporting people that live in my communities by doing so (see my list of Farmer's Markets!). Without realizing it, this lifestyle aligned with my feminist ideals in that I was caring about non-human animals' well-being and fair treatment as well as making efforts to not support unethical business practices that are exploitative and even dangerous.. Building upon that, I now (usually - I'm still growing) resist the urge to buy inexpensive clothing or goods from stores or brands that I know are not sourcing their products ethically. Vegetarianism has cleansed me of more things than I had anticipated when I began my journey!

Through vegetarianism, I have become much more thoughtful when it comes to my diet, exercise, lifestyle in general, and even the products that I buy beyond the grocery store - all because I started out by deciding that eating other animals' does not currently align with my values because of the way it is produced. Regardless of where my lifestyle journey goes, I am grateful for having become more cognizant of how I approach it.

My Feminism

I call myself a feminist.

However, I think that the words "feminist" and "feminism" mean a great range of things to a great range of people, and it is important to explain what I mean when I say it (and refer to it on this blog).

One website offers this definition of feminism:

"Feminism is a range of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women."

I care a lot about those ideas, but when I think of "feminism", those are not exactly the words that come to mind. In fact, there are many more words that come to mind, and the word "feminism" doesn't always seem to capture what I care about.

Feminism is a somewhat exclusionary term, I find, due to its root being "fem" and its beginnings being based in advancing the rights of women. However, I do embrace the term and the way I have come to understand it as something much larger than an ideology that focuses on women's rights.

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When I break down what "feminism" means to me, this is what I see:

• Gender equality (for women and for men and for non-binary folks)
• An end to racism
• No more patriarchy
• Deconstructing systems of power and oppression
• Understanding colonial histories
• My positionality with regards to ethnicity, gender, class, physicality, and as a settler
• Challenging "the way it is/the way things are"
• Being thoughtful, critical, and celebratory more often
• Asking people what their preferred pronouns are
• Unlearning, relearning, repeating
• ETC.!

When I think of my feminism, I do NOT see these things:

• A hate for men
• Being angry all of the time
• Saying "man up" or "lady-like"
• Making any essentialist assumptions based on someone's physical appearance (i.e., assuming things because someone is male- or female-bodied in appearance)
• Recommending people/activities/places based on someone's race/gender presentation/income (i.e., not saying "you would like this movie with this [ethnicity] actor" because that person's ethnicity matches)
• Thinking that Indigenous peoples are solely responsible for negative aspects of living on reserves or the disproportionate number of crimes associated with Indigenous peoples
• Accepting information at face value or letting mildly sexist/racist/classist/etc.-ist comments slip because it is tiring to always challenge people's thinking (and my own)
• Being silent because it is easier to do so short-term

"Feminism" doesn't seem to fully capture my mindset for the world - my studies in "gender, race, sexuality, and social justice" seems to be a bit better, but that's also very long. When people ask if I am a feminist, I say "yes" and if they get to hear more, they'll learn about what I've described here (and more). If those people are satisfied with my response and make assumptions about my personality, beliefs, and behaviours as a result of that response, then so be it.

Simply put, I really care about people. 

I want the world to be a healthy place (mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally) where anyone feels welcome to go in whatever direction they choose in life.

Unless the direction they choose makes the world a less healthy and welcoming place. Then I don't support it as much, but it makes us all a little more well-rounded, right?

Thinking about Caitlyn Jenner

There has been a lot of stir (already dying down now) about Caitlyn Jenner making her debut in her new body and with her new name, which she appears to feel are finally in line with her mind after all of these years.

I follow many intersectional and anti-racist feminist thinkers and groups online and read about others in books and news articles - most of them have felt compelled to comment in one way or another on Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair unveiling. As I am making an effort to critically think about and share my thoughts about these increasingly relevant and important and talked-about occurrences, I thought I would add my small voice to the online conversation.

My thoughts on Jenner's move are, in short, these: She has done what is fulfilling for her in a way that allows her millions of fans to be aware of this change in her appearance and name, and I think that those are good things.

When I consider the conversations that have occurred, I return to a recurring thought that I have after having studied gender, race, sexuality, and social justice, and in my own non-academic life: There is no 100%, sure-fire, make-everyone-happy way to do anything, particularly in circles of critical, feminist thinkers. 

That's a good thing! 

Usually.

Critically analyzing events and approaching them with an intersectional frame of mind (intersectionality: the study of intersections between forms or systems of oppression, domination or discrimination) challenges us to not take information at face value, and to consider the deeper meanings and implications of what we have seen, heard, or done. It can be mentally tiring to think of the world this way on a regular basis, but it is important to do so because it makes us more able to connect with others because we do not merely assume that our experiences are the same as someone else's. Further, we become more complex and empathetic to others by allowing ourselves to open up to new ways of knowing, living, thinking, and experiencing the world.

Sometimes, it seems that the tendency to think this way leads to a nearly constant problematization of the whole world, and no event can escape our minds unscathed by considerations of all of the ways it could have a negative impact. This is where I have found myself frustrated by certain conversations about Caitlyn Jenner. An incredibly wealthy, famous, and Caucasian individual choosing to transition is not a representative experience of most trans* individuals. For that reason, the publicity received by Jenner and the widespread praise are difficult to embrace by anyone who has struggled with similar or related experiences.

Despite the unlikely circumstances of being able to transition in a very expensive and widely-praised manner, Jenner's experience is her own and is one unique experience in the world that happens to be very public as well. While I do not think that Jenner should be the standard of what trans* individual is expected to be, I think that the publicity of what a transition entails for one individual is important in normalizing the experience and concept of transitioning/transgressing overall. An individual who was born in the most privileged body there is - a White male's - chose to act on a life-long knowledge that the body they were born into was not the one that matched their mind and spirit, and left that incongruent body behind to pursue greater self-fulfillment.

Jenner's transition does not represent the extremely diverse range of transitions that many individuals go through, but it is an example of one person's multi-decade struggle with the feeling that their body is not the one that will lead to maximizing her sense of wholeness.

While we cannot assume that all experiences will be the same based on this one example - in the way someone looks when transitioning, what it means to transition, how easy it is for someone to transition in a practical and psychological sense - I think that it is important to embrace it. Embrace the conversations that have started, the acceptance of Caitlyn Jenner expressed by so many, and the figure that many other, younger trans* or queer individuals can look to and think, "She did what was right for her, maybe I can do what is right for me." Those things are worth embracing, I think. The only downfall could be that Caitlyn Jenner assumes her experience is representative of all experiences, or that she does not embrace the powerful position she is in to make change possible for so many others who do not share her resources in life.

My hope is that Caitlyn will take full advantage of her powerful new role as a figure in the trans* community, which has been thrust upon her by virtue of being in the spotlight, and make life better for many others who have struggled, are struggling, and will struggle.

Being Cognizant: Budgeting

The first post in a series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.

Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.

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In recent months, I have taken on the task of budgeting all of my expenses along with my income on a monthly basis. A budget (noun) is "an estimate, often itemized, of expected income and expense for a given period in the future." So, to budget (verb) is to plan for certain amounts of money to be earned and spent, and then keep track of what is actually earned and spent (at least that's how I have defined my budgeting experience).

I started my budgeting adventure with an... idealistic... mindset of how much money I thought I would be spending on things such as groceries, school supplies, gas for my car, dining out, etc. However, as some guides on how to get started with a budget might tell you, your expenses might not be so simple to predict. As a student who lives away from home but receives financial support from parents, my budgets are not often too scary to approach because I am secure in knowing that if my job fell through or I had to drop a lot of money on one big item and it set me back for a month, I would not be without help. However, budgeting helps me set realistic goals that align with my desires to save money, live comfortably and independently (to some extent), and to be aware of my spending and do some reflection on how I use my money.

For others that do not have the financial support of parents or other folks, budgeting can be really useful for setting goals to alleviate the stresses of being financially "strapped" (i.e., not having a lot of extra funds once basics are paid off). Creating a budget can help you visualize what money you have coming in, what you need to spend money on, and what you want to spend money on (on a weekly, monthly, yearly basis). Being able to visualize where your money goes can lead to greater monthly savings, more effective allocation of funds (such as phone bills and groceries), and opportunities to treat yo' self!

An example of treating oneself upon realizing that
one's budget is CLEAR FOR EXTRA SPENDING!

If you haven't done so already, take some time to research how to set up a simple budget, and start collecting your receipts! Alternatively, you may want to try tracking your spending by writing down your expenses, keeping an ongoing record on your phone, or using a mobile app - such as Mint - that can break down your expenses as they come out of your bank account.

Take control of your life in this capitalist world - make a budget!

(Or let me know if you have another idea.)

Take a Moment to Reflect When You Get "The Feels"

Three weeks ago I started a new summer job at my university working in an office that focuses on enriching each student experience through various involvement opportunities. In my short time here, I've had unexpected moments of being hit right in the feels.

"Pardon me, did you say 'the feels'?"

Yes! The feels are experienced as moments where you feel a flood of emotion, through your mind and body, that impacts you in some meaningful way. This emotional flood can usually be categorized as being in the realm of sadness, joy, awe, or some tangent of those. For example, you might get the feels when you see an elderly couple holding hands as they walk down the street together, or perhaps when you hear about the passing of a friend's beloved pet. Those kind of events just get you right in the feels. They might be small moments that only you feel, or they could be big events that are experienced by many but that have impacted you in a unique way.

When you're feeling those feels, it's probably because something has resonated with you in a meaningful way, and I think you need to take a moment to reflect on it. Reflecting on these moments might give you some insight into what your passions are, what your talents are, or where you want to take your next step towards. To reflect on the feels you have experienced and to help uncover their meaning, ask yourself a few questions.


What?
What was it that provoked the feels? What happened RIGHT before you were hit right in the feels? Was there a particular aspect of the event/person/sound/etc. that provoked it, or was it the experience as a whole? Is it the thing you are acting upon (doing), or are you being acted upon (receiving)?

How?
How did the feels get you? Did they get you in a sad way, or in a way that made you feel more alive than you ever have before? How are you experiencing the feels (i.e., how do you feel)? How did the feels manage to slip into your experience at this moment?

When?
Did a particular time of day play any part in what is happening? Are you feeling the way you do because it is before dawn breaks, or is it right at noon and the rain is falling and the skies are dark? Is this particular moment one that has come at an opportune or especially relevant time in your life?

Who?
Has a person evoked the feels in you? Or is it a particular aspect of who YOU are that is being impacted by what is happening? Could these feels be coming from the part of you that you've never had the chance to really engage with before? Who are you in the moment that these feels got to you?

Where?
Similar to the "when", the where may point you to what is dictating these particular feels. Where are you as the feels hit you - are you sitting down? Standing up? Are you indoors or outdoors? Are your feet on the ground? Do you find yourself in a particular building/city/country/urban/rural/uninhabited place?

Why?
Oh yes, the why. Why are you experiencing the feels right now, in this place, in this way, as you are? Why did this instance strike a chord in you that felt different than all of the other chords that have been struck across your lifetime?  There have been many meaningful moments for you, but why is this one standing out to you? Is it what you are doing? Are you receiving some sort of news or information? Is this moment an unexpected opportunity that is terrifying but thrilling all at once? Why do you care about this moment and why are you trying to decipher it?


Sometimes these moments come up in mundane situations that do not speak to a greater purpose, but sometimes the feels get you in a way that seem to indicate you have uncovered something significant. It could be the direction you want to work in your career, or the place you want to move to, or the unplanned trip you want to take. The feels could even point you towards a new hobby.

Embrace planned happenstance, a term that refers to being prepared to be adaptable and flexible in an unpredictable world that might throw you a curve ball (that might be worth catching). Planned happenstance means doing all you can to prepare yourself for whatever your goal might be, but being ready to roll with the punches when those random events that are beyond your control inevitably occur.

Don't just let the feels get away from you - if you stop to consider them for even a moment, they must mean something. They may indicate something as small as a practice you can engage in each day to bring you peace of mind, or they could be guiding you towards the best thing you can't even imagine yet.

Hairy Woman, Walking Down the Street...

I have a feeling that "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison is far more successful than my Hairy Woman rendition would have been.

Hair is an interesting thing for us human creatures - the way it grows differently across our bodies, the way that we can change its presentation with chemicals and tools, and the unique ways we socialize people to think of their hair in gendered, racialized, and negative ways.

In November of 2014, I participated in Movember by not shaving my legs instead of growing a moustache (simply because I cannot grow one - otherwise I am certain that I would). This act snowballed into a personal project of leaving hair on other areas of my body to just be for a little while. It has taken time for me to adjust to my legs having hair, since I have been socialized to enjoy the aesthetic and feel of bare, smooth legs - part of me wants to say, "I actually just like it that way, though! I wasn't socialized to." However, I know the power of socialization, and that it is the reason that I, along with with many other female/woman-identified individuals, feel that it is the best way my legs could look. Simultaneously, most male/man-identified individuals do not feel self-conscious about having hair on their legs (even the ultra-hairy fellas - though they do sometimes get flack for chest hair).

The opportunity to bring it up with people has been enjoyable, as some that are closer to me have been comfortable enough to point out, "So you're not shaving your legs?" or, "Are those hairy legs I see?" and I am able to say, "Yeah, I'm challenging the discourse that my legs are unattractive with hair on both a personal and societal level."

It is still something that makes me a bit shy, but I am gradually becoming used to my new-kind-of-soft legs - it is the fear of people I know more personally thinking strangely of it that gets to me, but strangers can think whatever they like - hopefully they'll think, "Whoa, that's awesome, I should also not have my decisions dictated too much by cultural norms!"

Of course, choosing to do whatever you want is what I think you should be comfortable doing when it comes to your body. This post is about how I've chosen to challenge the reasons behind my previous habits and figure out what I truly want and not what I've internalized as others wanting.