FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

I consider myself a somewhat indecisive individual.

Many people that know me on a moderate to intimate level would also consider me somewhat indecisive.

Individuals who don't know me at all, but who are in positions where they are asking me to make a decision (anyone asking for my food order) would probably consider me fairly anxious and very indecisive.

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This quality of myself is something I have been reflecting on a lot over the last handful of months as I look ahead to May, when I will officially graduate with my undergraduate degree and move on to...

...


...


... Something.


FOMO (or "Fear Of Missing Out") is a term I was introduced to during my time as a Residence Advisor, when I was advised not to do every activity available during my 4-day training retreat. FOMO, I was told, would make me feel like I should and could burn me out. I took this to heart, and rested when I needed to and indulged in activities when I wanted to. However, since then, I have experienced many moments of FOMO wherein I have struggled to make decisions because I am afraid that the number of good things I could miss out on in one opportunity by taking another opportunity instead. Whether it is making a decision at a restaurant or taking a job offer, I have recently struggled a lot more with choosing a path because I fear the missed opportunities of other paths. This has felt very heavy and real as I consider what my next steps will be following graduation.

I was watching Aziz Ansari's Master of None, and in one episode that highlighted a difficult relationship decision, the following quote from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar was referenced:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

This resonated with me, as the timeliness of the reference was opportune. I am constantly getting caught up in my thoughts about the future and how I don't want to decide to do something that will "lock me in" to one thing. However, what I am realizing is that my FOMO is getting in the way of me pursuing something. I can still enjoy many other things that I won't be actively pursuing in an educational or career sense, but I am ultimately not able to enjoy any of them as much as I could because I am so afraid of choosing one thing to focus on (e.g., through getting a degree in it).

A supervisor of mine described my way of thinking as "comparing lists of checkmarks and trying to decide which thing has the most checkmarks (i.e., good things) when, in reality, they ALL have a lot of checkmarks*" (*paraphrasing). I try to keep this in mind as I look ahead to this somewhat more significant, but not necessarily life-path-deciding decision. I know that I am probably going to hold multiple careers over my lifetime - likely in slightly different fields, too! However, the decision to embark on a particular path feels like a heavy one, and I am working on coming to terms with the ways that any decision will benefit me and that I can acquire skills to pursue other careers if I so desire.

If you, too, struggle with FOMO, try to reach peace with yourself by knowing that any decision with many "checkmarks" is going to be helpful to you. It might teach you what you love, what you don't love, or it might reveal an unexpected source of enthusiasm! Choose with thoughtfulness, but don't be so thoughtful that your options pass you by as you try to understand which one is the "best". You can always learn new things later, but you can also start learning something right now.

Looking Back on 21

Today marks the last of an exciting 365 days traveling around the sun.

When I look back at the past year, I feel pleased with accomplishments in my relationships, my academics, and my personal growth.

In short:

• I have spent a great deal of time on introspection regarding my personal life, my future professional life, and my values at this time in my life in an effort to guide myself in a direction after graduation. It has not led me to an answer so far, but it has led me to speak with new people and form new friendships and think in new ways as a result of my willingness to reach out and do one thing that I love - connecting with others.
• My health has continued to be a focus as I fluctuate in exercise motivation, green smoothie inspiration, and periods of moderate sleep deprivation. While I am not always in a physically balanced place, I have been thoughtful about my health a great deal and have enjoyed engaging with it in different ways.
• For almost one entire year I maintained a long-distance friendship! I think this resulted from the point in my life that G made her way across the globe - I've reached a point of personal development where I could manage that sort of geographical distance in a relationship.
• Opportunities to step outside of my comfort zone presented themselves, then disappeared, then were taken up and taken away, and eventually left me living away from home (if only a short distance) for the first time this summer, and I feel that decision has made me appreciate home in a new way while also offering me an unforgettable summer so far. My new job and new friends (along with a handful of oldies) are a big part of that. Dancing like my life depends on it every couple of weeks has also been surprisingly rejuvenating.
• My new studies in gender, race, sexuality and social justice at school have refined and informed many values and passions I had before but did not have words or literature to use in tandem with them. While it has been challenging at times, I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to partake in aspects of the GRSJ culture at my school and using that education to inform other parts of my life that I feel are bettered as a result.
• I lost two figures in my life that are incredibly painful to be without now, but I'm glad they went together and that whatever discomforts they were experiencing are gone now. They are missed immensely, but the sadness I feel reminds me that I do feel, and that these lows will contrast future highs and make them all the better.

I think that 22 will be an incredibly confusing, exciting, terrifying, and fulfilling trip around the sun. Even if it has the lowest of lows, I also believe it will have some of the highest highs, and I am looking forward to seeing what they all are.

Being Cognizant: Budgeting

The first post in a series about the ways I work towards being cognizant through decisions that make me more mentally engaged with various facets of my day-to-day life.

Cognizance (noun): Awareness, realization, notice, knowledge, perception.

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In recent months, I have taken on the task of budgeting all of my expenses along with my income on a monthly basis. A budget (noun) is "an estimate, often itemized, of expected income and expense for a given period in the future." So, to budget (verb) is to plan for certain amounts of money to be earned and spent, and then keep track of what is actually earned and spent (at least that's how I have defined my budgeting experience).

I started my budgeting adventure with an... idealistic... mindset of how much money I thought I would be spending on things such as groceries, school supplies, gas for my car, dining out, etc. However, as some guides on how to get started with a budget might tell you, your expenses might not be so simple to predict. As a student who lives away from home but receives financial support from parents, my budgets are not often too scary to approach because I am secure in knowing that if my job fell through or I had to drop a lot of money on one big item and it set me back for a month, I would not be without help. However, budgeting helps me set realistic goals that align with my desires to save money, live comfortably and independently (to some extent), and to be aware of my spending and do some reflection on how I use my money.

For others that do not have the financial support of parents or other folks, budgeting can be really useful for setting goals to alleviate the stresses of being financially "strapped" (i.e., not having a lot of extra funds once basics are paid off). Creating a budget can help you visualize what money you have coming in, what you need to spend money on, and what you want to spend money on (on a weekly, monthly, yearly basis). Being able to visualize where your money goes can lead to greater monthly savings, more effective allocation of funds (such as phone bills and groceries), and opportunities to treat yo' self!

An example of treating oneself upon realizing that
one's budget is CLEAR FOR EXTRA SPENDING!

If you haven't done so already, take some time to research how to set up a simple budget, and start collecting your receipts! Alternatively, you may want to try tracking your spending by writing down your expenses, keeping an ongoing record on your phone, or using a mobile app - such as Mint - that can break down your expenses as they come out of your bank account.

Take control of your life in this capitalist world - make a budget!

(Or let me know if you have another idea.)

Take a Moment to Reflect When You Get "The Feels"

Three weeks ago I started a new summer job at my university working in an office that focuses on enriching each student experience through various involvement opportunities. In my short time here, I've had unexpected moments of being hit right in the feels.

"Pardon me, did you say 'the feels'?"

Yes! The feels are experienced as moments where you feel a flood of emotion, through your mind and body, that impacts you in some meaningful way. This emotional flood can usually be categorized as being in the realm of sadness, joy, awe, or some tangent of those. For example, you might get the feels when you see an elderly couple holding hands as they walk down the street together, or perhaps when you hear about the passing of a friend's beloved pet. Those kind of events just get you right in the feels. They might be small moments that only you feel, or they could be big events that are experienced by many but that have impacted you in a unique way.

When you're feeling those feels, it's probably because something has resonated with you in a meaningful way, and I think you need to take a moment to reflect on it. Reflecting on these moments might give you some insight into what your passions are, what your talents are, or where you want to take your next step towards. To reflect on the feels you have experienced and to help uncover their meaning, ask yourself a few questions.


What?
What was it that provoked the feels? What happened RIGHT before you were hit right in the feels? Was there a particular aspect of the event/person/sound/etc. that provoked it, or was it the experience as a whole? Is it the thing you are acting upon (doing), or are you being acted upon (receiving)?

How?
How did the feels get you? Did they get you in a sad way, or in a way that made you feel more alive than you ever have before? How are you experiencing the feels (i.e., how do you feel)? How did the feels manage to slip into your experience at this moment?

When?
Did a particular time of day play any part in what is happening? Are you feeling the way you do because it is before dawn breaks, or is it right at noon and the rain is falling and the skies are dark? Is this particular moment one that has come at an opportune or especially relevant time in your life?

Who?
Has a person evoked the feels in you? Or is it a particular aspect of who YOU are that is being impacted by what is happening? Could these feels be coming from the part of you that you've never had the chance to really engage with before? Who are you in the moment that these feels got to you?

Where?
Similar to the "when", the where may point you to what is dictating these particular feels. Where are you as the feels hit you - are you sitting down? Standing up? Are you indoors or outdoors? Are your feet on the ground? Do you find yourself in a particular building/city/country/urban/rural/uninhabited place?

Why?
Oh yes, the why. Why are you experiencing the feels right now, in this place, in this way, as you are? Why did this instance strike a chord in you that felt different than all of the other chords that have been struck across your lifetime?  There have been many meaningful moments for you, but why is this one standing out to you? Is it what you are doing? Are you receiving some sort of news or information? Is this moment an unexpected opportunity that is terrifying but thrilling all at once? Why do you care about this moment and why are you trying to decipher it?


Sometimes these moments come up in mundane situations that do not speak to a greater purpose, but sometimes the feels get you in a way that seem to indicate you have uncovered something significant. It could be the direction you want to work in your career, or the place you want to move to, or the unplanned trip you want to take. The feels could even point you towards a new hobby.

Embrace planned happenstance, a term that refers to being prepared to be adaptable and flexible in an unpredictable world that might throw you a curve ball (that might be worth catching). Planned happenstance means doing all you can to prepare yourself for whatever your goal might be, but being ready to roll with the punches when those random events that are beyond your control inevitably occur.

Don't just let the feels get away from you - if you stop to consider them for even a moment, they must mean something. They may indicate something as small as a practice you can engage in each day to bring you peace of mind, or they could be guiding you towards the best thing you can't even imagine yet.